Excuse Me, Have You Got Change?

© 2002 Boaz Rauchwerger

Fact: The only people who really like change are babies with dirty diapers. Most all of us, if we're really honest, don't like change.

A company downsizes, a client leaves, the value of stock falls, a child gets married, someone dies, a divorce takes place, a serious illness, a move far away - these are all changes in our lives. All of these situations have the potential to play havoc with our emotions, to throw them into a tailspin.

I was nine years old when I experienced my first major change in life. We immigrated to the United States from Israel. I had felt secure in our neighborhood on the shore of the Sea of Galilee and in my fourth grade class in the school on top of the hill.

It was a cold November day in 1956 when our bus arrived in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where my uncle (and our sponsor) lived. Due to the scarcity of visas, my father immigrated six months earlier. Now it was time for my mother, my younger brother, and I to move. We crossed the Atlantic to the US by ship and, since we didn't have the money for airfare, we traveled cross-country by bus to Oklahoma.

I didn't speak a word of English at the time. My mother walked my brother and me to the local elementary school in Tulsa and we were enrolled. Due to the language problem, each of us was set back a grade.

I don't think the language was as big a change to deal with as was the culture. Up to that point in my life, I felt very comfortable in my Jewish environment in Israel. It's not that we were religious, because we weren't. It was just a culture that was familiar and comfortable.

Suddenly, all of that had changed. Coming at the end of November, we arrived in the middle of the Christmas season in America. Christmas songs, Christmas lights, Christmas trees, everybody buying gifts - I felt very much out of place.

Due to wonderful, caring teachers, the language problem resolved itself within a few months. Getting used to the new culture, particularly the Christmas season, took a few years to resolve. Those were uncomfortable years in which I felt very inadequate. I wasn't part of any "in-crowd" at school. I was a foreigner with a strange name.

Our move to America is an example of a major change in life. The other side of this coin exemplifies the minor daily changes in our moods. Did you ever notice that some days your mood is upbeat, positive, and happy? Then something happens that changes all of that. Maybe you get a call from an irate client, your child's school calls with a problem, or that mutual fund you were counting on has just taken a big dip.

The thing to realize is that you're taking a ride on the roller coaster of life. You were moving nicely up the hill and then, suddenly, there's a sharp turn or a drastic plunge. However, when we hold on and not panic, the roller coaster will often straighten out again.

Part of dealing better with daily mood swings, which are perfectly normal, is to learn to let go. We don't need to control every element of our lives to be happy. Here are some specific steps that can help you get your attitude back on track when moments of depression hit.

(1) Make a physical change. Whether at an office, or at home, get up, get out and take a walk. The old adage, A Body in Motion tends to stay in Motion, is true. When we make a physical move to change our circumstance, the mind also tends to make a change in attitude.

(2) Develop a support network of key people that you can count on. These are people who are supportive, with whom you can keep in touch on a regular basis. Then, when a change occurs that depresses your mood, call someone in your support network and cheer them up. Yes, call and tell someone how much they mean to you and that you're grateful to have them in your life. Doing that is a positive diversion. Also, putting ourselves out to make someone else feel better most always has the same affect in reverse.

(3) Ask yourself what is the most valuable thing you could be doing at that moment and then do it. Another old thought rings with truth: A busy person is a happy person.

(4) Refocus on your exciting WHY - the reward for which you are working. That may be a specific trip, a new car, or a new wardrobe. When the mind gets re-excited about a worthwhile reward, depression seems to go away.

So, when it comes to change, let's embrace it and make it one for the better.

A Daily Affirmation for Change

I take positive action to make moments of change highly productive!